Poison Ivy: Anger

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So the story is this: there I was in a meeting hearing what the other person was saying trying to focus when all of a sudden I feel a disco ball with neon lights behind my right eye. I thought for a second I was dazzled my the ray of sun coming through the window but no, it was an ocular migraine. I don’t get those often, they tend to be triggered by specific things and tend to hit when you least expect them. I obviously had to stop the meeting because I couldn’t see straight and was feeling very dizzy.

So what triggered this? Stress.

The problem is not stress perse but my attitude towards it. In the past few weeks I was angry at people for past discussions, started to feel resentful against them and there was a lot of negative energy around me. This happened because I never said anything when I had to. So the anger really was more towards myself than towards the others.

I am angry but I have to transform that anger into something else or I might just stay in bed half blind with neon lights that go on and off in my eye. The anger is in me because I let it in. The other person is not harmed or alarmed by “my” anger. They simply don’t care. So instead of being angry I am letting it go. I am learning from each situation I put myself into and try to understand “why is this happening over and over again?” and “what is that I have to learn from this situation so it doesn’t repeat itself?”.

My body is warning me with ocular migraines. What is your body telling you? Pain is your body setting an alarm to warn you that something is wrong.

Listen to it very carefully…

I have shared this in past posts but I think it is worthy to share it again: “holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”.

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5 things: welcome Spring!

I have to confess that Winter 2015-2016 was not that bad this year in Spain. I haven’t figured out if it the new apartment’s heating system or that this winter was not as bad as the last one.

Enough said about Winter and let us welcome Spring. First of all I already have my bucket list written down for this season and second of all I am über excited about putting away my coat. There is something magical about taking out clothes I love that I haven’t worn in a while. You have to see me “unpacking” the spring/summer clothing it feels like Christmas all over again… I am like “oh this is cute” and “oh I forgot I had this cool piece here”.

My Spring bucket list:

  1. Terrace make-over
  2. Spring cleaning (yup I do look forward to this)
  3. Buying more flowers
  4. Picnic in the park
  5. Spring color nails
  6. Outdoor planting
  7. Donating clothes

As for what has been going on lately, I want to share 5 things that are feeling a lot like…Spring.

1) Light colored nails while writing some new lyrics and adding chapters to my book.

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2) I did cut my hair a month ago and it grew so fast. I think I am going to be needing another haircut before Summer. 

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3) Baking some paleo cinnamon banana-apple pie. I think this will be a good tutorial in the near future for the blog. (Btw: It was so yummy)

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4) New photo shoot by “House of Flow”. Can’t wait to share it soon!

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5) We have a new recording booth at our home! More lyrics, more music!

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Small novel preview: Panther’s Club

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Order of appearance of sentences, words and chapters may vary and change in the final draft. All written in the following chapter is registered and protected by international copyright by © Natascia Da Prato * SGAE Member


Dr. Vladimir loved Thursday afternoons when the clock hit 6:00 sharp. That was the exact time when his last patient left. He liked to stay at his office a little longer and watch the sunset from his big windows, twenty stores above. He took out his cigar, cut the tip off, and smelled it with great pleasure. His mind wandered through the wilderness of his memories twenty years ago in the woods.

He saw a beautiful woman with a yellow dress running behind a brown-haired boy. They laughed as he watched. He loved sitting there in the middle of the trees right in front his Summer-house. ‘Daddy, don’t smoke!’ his ten-year-old boy yelled from the river ‘come swim with us!’

Birds echoed with his wife’s laugher and Vladimir knew how lucky he was to be right there, right then. ‘You go swim rybka. Daddy will come after he finishes his cigar’. When Dr. Vladimir woke up hours later in the woods, he didn’t remember falling asleep. Dead silence surrounded him: no birds singing, no wind blowing and no more laugher.

Now he sat there in his office surrounded by the same smell that reminded him of that exact moment. “I am so sorry rybka. I am so sorry” he said aloud.

Suddenly the door opened startling him “Oh dear. You are talking alone now doc?” Jacqueline slammed the door behind her and sat down in the chair in front of him letting her skirt go higher than it should have. Her perfect manicured hands played with a bundle of bright red hair. “So, what’s up? You don’t return my calls anymore? And what the hell are you doing smoking a cigar in a closed office?” She started moving her hands dramatically so the smoke would disappear.

“What on earth are you doing here?” he put the cigar out “Are you out of your mind? Did anyone see you come in here? “ he snapped.

“Oh relax, Vlad. I am not that stupid. I know you sit here in your pity party alone on Thursdays.” She stood up. “So, why are you not returning my calls?” she stood up and approached him seductively.

“You call me when you shouldn’t. Have some better damn timing Jacqueline.” He couldn’t stop staring at her long legs, his breath getting heavy.

“This was not the deal Vlad.” She sat on the table putting her sky-high stilettos on his lap. Dr. Vladimir remained silent. “We have been working for this a very long time doc.”

Dr. Vladimir stood up letting Jacqueline’s feet fall to the ground abruptly. “I need more time.”

“More time? I’ll give you more time. But my real concern is what happens then?” Jacqueline was getting irritated “You think after all of this is done, the three of us will live happily ever after?” she laughed “What do you suggest doc?”

“I suggest Jacqueline you get the hell out of my office and go do your part of the deal.” He opened the door for her to exit “Then we will take care of what happens next.”

Jacqueline stood up and fixed her skirt. She smiled and approached the door. Before exiting she got close to Dr. Vladimir’s face almost touching his lips “Don’t even think for a second that if I go down you will benefit from of all this. This was all your idea and if I go down, you will go down with me”.

Dr. Vladimir slammed the door and kissed Jacqueline passionately, almost as trying to make all of this go away. She pulled her skirt up as quickly and he pulled his pant down. Dr. Vladimir took Jacqueline on his lap and bumped her against the wall making a diploma fall on the floor shattering it’s glass in a million pieces. While he held her he thought how his soul had gotten as unfixable as the glass on the ground.

© Natascia Da Prato